Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
