She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My bed smells like the plague
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