just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
