I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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