And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He told me they were just razor bumps!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I am naked and annoyed.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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