Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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