i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
your like the ambassador to my penis.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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