The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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