I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
