Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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