Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
