Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
