someone get that fucking seahorse.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
