I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
