the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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