Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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