JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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