Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
