I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I CAN MOONWALK!
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
