I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
