K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
