i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
