come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We are two peas in an std pod
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
