my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
