you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
