It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You need Xanax blowdarts
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
