can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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