Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
