i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
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