Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
