there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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