i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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