I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
