tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
