im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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