Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
