I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
