I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
