I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
