I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
