his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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