operation harelip BJ is a go
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
