put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
