We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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