too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
