I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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