after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
