There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
