where am i from again
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
