You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
