the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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