mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
